MADness—the Blog

How do you parody Hollywood when you make a small joke and it’s true in 24 hours?

Me, 2/14:

Now that Valentine’s Day is a certified winner, I would suppose that the smart folks in Hollywood will soon be coming out with other holiday-themed movies.

EW, 2/15:

The romantic comedy’s success practically greenlights Warner Bros. next attempt at a holiday-themed ensemble comedy, New Year’s Eve, which they are contemplating putting into production immediately.

Still waiting for word on Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day.

I know this is the first place most people check for the all-important box office results, so let’s get to it.  Here are the “winners” of the weekend:

1. Valentine’s Day — $52,410,000
2. Percy Jackson & The Olympians:  The Lightning Thief — $31,100,000
3. The Wolfman — $30,627,000

I still don’t understand why anyone except the people who make a movie should care how much money the movie makes at the box office, but that’s where we are.  Somewhere along the way the Sunday news shows got it in their heads that the weekend box office is IMPORTANT NEWS, and every week we get to know who “won the weekend” even before the weekend is over.  Not to mention, who lost.  Winners and losers.  That’s what it comes down to.  (Hey, where’s Avatar this weekend?  Yesterday’s news:  Loser!) 

That said, I am heartened to know that a movie called Valentine’s Day is the No. 1 movie on Valentine’s Day weekend.  What would it say about us if a horror remake like The Wolfman beat it out?  I can’t say which is a better movie—I haven’t seen them—but I’ve yet to read a good review of either.*  That doesn’t matter, though.  Movie reviews will never be IMPORTANT NEWS.

Now that Valentine’s Day is a certified winner, I would suppose that the smart folks in Hollywood will soon be coming out with other holiday-themed movies.  If they hurry, they could open St. Patrick’s Day next month, and Memorial Day should be just around the corner.  In fact, few holidays have a well-known movie title commemorating the occasion.  There’s Independence Day, of course.  The best of the lot is Groundhog Day (which opened, coincidentally, 17 years ago this weekend, exactly two years after that heart-warming lovefest called The Silence of the Lambs).  Labor Day, Thanksgiving Day, Boxing Day, and Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day are titles still waiting to be taken.  (If Hollywood ever runs out of holiday titles, don’t worry.  Those geniuses at Hallmark will come up with a new one.)

* I rather liked this part of Roger Ebert’s review:  “Valentine’s Day” is being marketed as a Date Movie.  I think it’s more of a First-Date Movie.  If your date likes it, do not date that person again.